Rejection is good.

I know I said I learned three lessons in the query process, but it's shaping up to be four.  As always, my writing experiences can be applied to so many aspects of life.  I'm in awe of the ways we, as humans, continue to learn the same lessons over and over again just in different contexts.  I suppose it could depress me.  I mean, really, how dense can we be?  Instead, I choose to think maybe it's all reinforcement.  So, the next lesson isn't really new, but I appreciated the reminder.

Lesson #2:  Rejection can be a good thing.

So listen, rejection sucks.  I think I've covered that.  It hurts.  It's personal.  It's a hit to the self-esteem.  That's true whether we're talking about a job, a guy at a bar, a friend who stops calling, or when only a few people "like" the Facebook status you thought was a masterpiece.  Your throat clogs up, and your chest gets tight, and suddenly you wonder why you even bothered in the first place.  Okay, fine, maybe you don't have as visceral a reaction to rejection as I do, but just check out these Reddit users' stories of rejection if you want to know how crappy it feels.

Rejection is important, though.  I'm sure I could find a million and one clichés to illustrate my point, but we have to face rejection in order to improve.  We have to face rejection to know that we needed to improve in the first place.  At the same time, we have to be willing to hear what the rejector is saying in order to change. 

On being a reject

Rejection sucks. Not a particularly new or profound thought, I know, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. The query process is filled with exceptional highs and lows. From what I’ve read, I’m pretty sure it only gets worse from here.  Some weeks are great—requests for manuscripts and positive feedback give me hope that it’s possible to achieve my goals.  Unfortunately, for every good week, a bad one follows when I am certain I’m wasting my time on writing altogether. I had a particularly disappointing week rejection recently, and I'm still rebuilding confidence.

Rejection and I are old friends.  A person would have to be in cave far away from civilization to get to be my age without facing esteem-crushing blows from multiple fronts.  I’ll probably never get over not being selected as an R.A. in college. Unfortunately, practice doesn’t always make perfect.  Then again, maybe it is possible to become an expert at rejection.

One of my summer session public speaking students reminded me that there are plenty of examples of highly successful people who have faced rejection.  In her speech, she cited the famous case of the Beatles’ Decca audition, which they were ultimately refused because guitar bands were losing steam. Here's one of the songs they played during that audition.

I also follow the blog, “One Hundred Rejections” which provides stories of famous authors who’ve been rejected and quotes advice from many of them.

I try to draw inspiration from these stories—not that I’m reveling in the failure of others, but is a reminder about the power of perseverance. Perhaps, more importantly, I remind myself that I may never be like Stephen King or Kathryn Stockett (The Help).  My rejections may not lead to success, and while that’s not a pleasant thought, all the clichés are definitely true. Any hope of success begins with putting yourself out there.

So, no, this week’s post is not a new message, but sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly beat up by the process or by life in general, it’s a reminder I need.  At least I’m still here risking, learning, changing.

Inspire me.  Name a time you were rejected and it stuck with you.  How long did it take you to "get over it?"