It's not you; it's me.

"It's not you; it's me."  Class break-up line right? Maybe even cringe-worthy.  

We tend to think of it as an excuse when people don't know what else to say, but maybe that's a bit harsh because it's often true.  It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you; you're just not necessarily right for each other. 

What about this one?  "If I'd just met you sooner…"  or "I'd totally marry you in ten years". Yeah, it doesn't feel any better, but think house hunting.  Maybe this particularly house would be great in five years, but it doesn't work for you today because of some circumstance--proximity to a school or an infant that needs a room close to a master bedroom.  Ultimately people's needs change. 

That brings me to Query Lesson #3. Whether we're searching for a house, a job, a friend, love, or an agent, sometimes, two things drive the match:  "fit" and "timing."  

Making Progress

I know it's a shock, but I'm still here.

It's been forever and a day since I last blogged. I spent June immersed in teaching summer school, carting kids to swim lessons and dance, and of course, participating in Camp NaNoWriMo.  I'm happy to report that I survived and managed to complete the first draft of my third novel.  I'm just now settling into summer though we've already reached the halfway point.

How to win when you lose

At some point I’ll get over my need to post about failure and rejection—most likely after a little success. For now, the topic is still fresh in my mind.  I’m constantly trying to put perspective on both life and writing failures. 

I have already admitted to being a goal-setter and a list-maker.  I probably still have notebooks somewhere in the attic detailing everything I planned to accomplish in my life.  I am also just a teensy bit (read enormously) competitive. My biggest competitor is myself. As I mentioned in another post, I set arbitrary goals for myself, which are often a little unrealistic, and I’m a damn sore loser.  

Last weekend I competed in my first 5K race. In the days leading up to the big day, I kept shrinking my goal time, and I increased my desired placement in my age group from top 10 to top 5. I failed.  I ended up 6^th. 

This weekend my daughter competed in her dance nationals.  She might be slightly (read almost exactly) like me. When she missed one move in an otherwise spectacular team performance, she cried in the dressing room after. However, she did teach me something as well. She never told me what her goal was for her solo (and yes, of course, winning isn’t the most important thing, and the emphasis is on fun, but remember she’s like me—goals and competitiveness are in her blood). After she received a platinum rating and a 4^th place ranking, she was so giddy and such a natural high, I never would have guessed she had actually failed her goal. It turns out she was going for 3^rd.  One away, just like me.

One person’s failure is usually someone else’s success. No brainer, right?  If someone else wins, I lose.  It’s more than that, though.  Other people are out there setting goals. Whatever I achieve that I perceive to be a failure might be exactly what another person would have considered success. 

I still believe in the goals, though.  I will continue to set them to high.  I will probably fail a lot as a result. Disappointment will follow.   Maybe I can teach my daughter not to be so hard on herself and maybe I can learn to find joy in the failure, too.

If you need some inspiration, here’s a little bit of Shania, just because I love her.  You watch.  I’m going to go run because next year, I’m going for top 5.

Today is Your Day